July 9th-13th Divorce and Remarriage

Contract is when two individuals make an agreement and covenant is a special kind of contract where a  superior sets terms and inferior accepts or doesn't. The word, covenant, is not a religious word and this was new to me since I have only heard it in church. When we make a temple covenant its with God and not our spouse. I have made a covenant with my Heavenly Father that I will cleave unto to my husband and support him throughout our life. I am so grateful for this covenant because it means more to me to have made the covenant with God who knows all and created me rather than making an agreement with man and just signing a piece of paper. I also find it important because with God anything is possible. We will have trials in life, in marriage and in family but when we know we can go to God and receive council we will be able to get through the hard times and become more like our Heavenly Father, which is our goal. I also know that having God at the front of it helps motivate me to be my best and to treat my husband as I should. I hope to be able to share more with those I know how and why my temple covenant means so much to me.

Parenting

Parenting is protecting and preparing God's children to survive and thrive. Parents have an important role to care and love God's children who were sent to us with love. Parents are not perfect but are striving to learn line upon line what is best for each child and their family as a whole. Sometimes we experience things while raising our children so help us step back and re-evaluate how we talk, teach and show our children love and compassion. We have to understand that we as parents may do things that we regret, but if we can learn early then we will be much happier and forgiving of ourselves. 

One student made the comment that sometimes we think the game is over when it's not. She continued to say that we need to recognize that we will play the role of mother or father forever and need to continue to comprehend that we can make differences in our children lives. As we continue to watch our children grow it's important to recognize each child's strengths instead of weaknesses. We may have children that stray away from the teachings of christ but we need to have unconditional love and always speak kindly. 

Finances

This week we were able to read and reflect Marvin J. Ashton's pamphlet on Finances. We know that finances is important in a marriage. Not the amount of money you have but making sure you are aware of your earnings, spending, and savings. I remember getting into small groups and choosing one of the principles in the pamphlet. Mine was regarding setting a budget and being able to communicate it between the family. I was hardly ever involved in my families finances. I think that being a young child and having discussion on my family's earning could have been beneficial and a time that I could ask questions and see how much we spent towards different needs and wants. I was talking to my husband in how I felt it was important to discuss what we were buying with one another before doing so. My husband made a comment like his mom never discussed those things with his dad. I then asked him what he thought they did they were newlyweds. He had no idea. This was a good time for us to ask our parents but then realize that how our parents did things now is way different than when they were recently married. His parents were at a point where they had savings and needed not to discuss little things that they would be buying at the grocery store. This helped us to create a budget and come to know our needs and wants so that we could be living comfortably.

June 18th- June 22nd Power and conflict in marriage

What caught my eye this week in class was when we read and went over the different types of power in marriages. There are Coercive, which is to avoid punishment by spouse, Reward; to obtain rewards from spouse, legitimate; spouse has the right to ask and you have the duty to comply, expert; spouse has special knowledge or expertise, referent; identification with and admiration of, spouse and desire to please her or him and the last one was informational; persuasion by spouse that what spouse wants is in your own best interests.
I have seen all of these powers used in either friends or others around me. I, myself, am guilty of using one or two in my marriage. I am glad that I don't abuse that power but it was necessary for me to see that it can cause conflict and really needs to be controlled. We and our spouse are equal partners and need to really see that. We are there to love and serve each other putting the other before us. As we both look to God and draw closer in our relationship then we won't have any power conflict in our marriage because we are becoming one.

June 11th- June 15th Family Crisis

This week we discussed family crisis. I thought it was a good idea to get into groups and discuss family crisis but then to incorporate the ABCx. A stands for actual events, B behavior response, C cognitions, X was then experience. Each family has experience a family crisis and as we each begin our individual families we will too experience more. It's important we learn that there are two common responses. One that the family will pull away from each other and the second being that they will come together and be a support system. Examples of family stressors are death of a family member, a serious illness, accident, unemployment, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, moving, addiction and so on. I know in my family growing up my family experience a few family stressors, but for the most part I felt that we came together as a family and helped one another through it in our own way. We will become united we cannot fall.

June 4th- June 8th Sex Education

We live in a world today that is teaching children about sex at a early age from the world perspective through media, television, movies, and internet. We as parents have a responsibility to rear our children with love and protection. Protection is not withholding information, but rather teaching them by gospel doctrine and principles to help them on a daily basis. We need to not be afraid as parents to inform our children about sex and sexual relations in a bold way. The more children hear it in the home the more comfortable they are going to feel to go to their parents regarding questions or comments they have or have heard from peers. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to talk to one another regarding when, what, and how they are going to teach their children so that each parent is on the same page and supporting each other regarding this topic. I know that Jared and I have seen why it is important to talk to children and not assume that children will learn on their own. We as parents can't wait to educate our children or else they will learn from those around them.

May 28th-June 1st Delivery Room

Going into class and about half way through I had my mind set that my mom would be in the delivery room when Jared and I had our first child. I have always pictured my mom there by my side and I honestly think it was because everyone else has had their mom there so why not. I thought it was a great idea. Jared and I have talked about the delivery room with our friends and it's funny because the guys say they think they won't be able to handle it and how gross it's going to be. As I sat in class and listened to Brother Williams and his experience and opinion I began to see where he was coming from. Brother Williams said that have husband and wife in the delivery room together and no one else gives it more of a growing opportunity and experience that only comes at that moment. Having a child really only involves the husband and wife. If you think about it parents aren't there when you create the child so having them in the delivery room isn't necessary either. I think it's important to have the support of both parents but when it's just husband and wife then it can be a precious moment as well as sacred. I know my mom wouldn't take away from our special time, but I also know that my mom would want whats best for us. Jared and I need that time to connect with one another and be there when our life is about to change. Thank you Brother Williams for sticking to your opinion and giving me a idea or concept in marriage.

How to Prepare

May 21st we covered an important topic, which was Preparing for Marriage. This is always good to learn and understand more about so that we each can have successful marriages. I myself believe that marriage and knowing when and who to marry is on an individual basic with the man, woman and the Lord. It's hard to put a time frame on how long to courtship and then be engaged because each situation is extremely different. I did however enjoyed the three things we talked about, "know-Quo", that we should focus on in our preparing for marriage journey. The first one was Talking, this meaning that both sides are able to discuss who they are and the experiences they have had. If only one person is doing the talking then the couple isn't truly benefiting from getting to know each other. Both need to be able to be engaged not only listening but in communicating their ideas, thoughts, and ways that describe who they are. The second was Time. When I think of hear of Time I think quality time. Do we set time aside when we have no distractions and can really focus on each other and their needs and desires for that particular time. I also think it's important to experience time where it's a limited amount of time and how we both well use it. In class we did talk about being able to see or be with the other person during the different seasons which helps us get a better idea of who they are and how they handle different situations. The last one was togetherness. I take that to even include togetherness with each of the families so that you can see how they treat or interact with their family members. The best part is when we related it to the gospel using the three P's. Preside, Provide and Protect. Meaning the man is in charge of asking and planning the dates, second he provides for the date or in other words he pays. The third is that he protects. When on a date the guy is responsible for you and should only put you in wholesome atmosphere so that each feel safe and secure. Dating is an important time and it needs to involve the Lord. Take opportunities to date a variety of people and never settle. When you see a red flag, don't run but see if its something that consistently happens but if it's something you can work on.

God's Plan

The week of May 14 we focused our discussions around gender and family life. I really liked the scripture  and quote that started and ending our week. Presidency Gordon B. Hinckley says this regarding gender and family, "In his grand design, when God first created man, he created duality of sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, 'Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord' - 1 corinthians 11:11. There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the almighty. Man and Woman are his creations. Their duality is his design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to his purposes. One is incomplete without the other." I really enjoyed this because it states God's plan and how both man and woman need each other and their characteristics to complete and have that foundation for a family.

Is there Structure in our Family?

On Thursday we had a group in front of the class to represent a family. There was a dad, mom, two children and the mothers sister involved. We got to see that sometimes there are situations where the father has to leave his family to work and in doing so the family structure changes. The mother may also have to work which can put more stress on the children as they have no one in the home to nurture as they may have once had. The children don't see their father or know what he is doing away from home because they don't get to see him. The youngest sibling often times will turn to their older sibling as their parent because they see him/her more often and usually this puts the oldest sibling in charge of the younger. This gives the older sibling more responsibility and experiences whether or not they want it. When the family reunites together they might struggle with the roles of the father and mother because it has been so long. Also the struggle might be different from the first time. I found this role play very interesting but saw a lot of truth. I have a strong testimony that if we can live in a way that we don't have to be away from any family member that we are better off. Children need both of their parents in the home having the father and mother playing their role as provider, protector, nurture and loving us as their children. I also believe that our parents need us as we all grow together from being around each other. Great week!

Systems Theory

From our reading and class discussion we cleaned about Systems Theory which looks at the family as a whole and then we broke it down into the Family Systems Theory. In the Family Systems Theory we learned or was brought to our attention that there are roles/rules for each family and then there are individual roles. Growing up I always noticed each sibling at a different role or back then I would have said characteristic that they brought to the family either negative or positive. I have one brother and he loved to bring us together as a family whether it was wrestling and making us laugh or just being the protective brother he was. He could sit and listen and then give you advice with any situation you were going there. In each family these roles are important because they are teaching moments whether learned right then or years later. We also discussed rules that were spoken and ones you just knew. Some spoken rules were no boys in the house unless mom or dad was home. If they came they had to wait outside in the front yard. There were to be no boys in our rooms at all. I did see how that rule did change as I, the youngest, grew up. Another spoken rule was out of respect my mom liked us to call our leaders by brother or sister followed by last name. Of course this was regarding church. She didn't care whether they said we could call them by there first name she still wanted us to always be respectful in that way. I have enjoyed being able to reflect back to my childhood and recall many experiences regarding both Systems Theory and Family Systems Theory. Another thing that stood out was when we did the role play of a family. When one member was being weighed down with challenges it had an effect on the rest of the family but because we are a system we could help one another and balance one another out. Great way to visualize a situation or put a theory into action.

The Dangers of Myths

This week in last we discussed the different myths that are common regarding Marriage. A couple of them are: We've lost the Extended Family, Opposite Attract, People Marry because They Love Each Other, Having Children Increases Marital Satisfaction, Happily Married People Don't Have Conflict and there are a few others. Often times in the world today we hear a saying as these or like them and we take them in as facts. But in reality these are not true. Myths can lead to destruction or move people away from one of the most important relationship we can have. Marriage is ordained of God and as both husband and spouse involve God in their relationship they will see much good.