How to Prepare

May 21st we covered an important topic, which was Preparing for Marriage. This is always good to learn and understand more about so that we each can have successful marriages. I myself believe that marriage and knowing when and who to marry is on an individual basic with the man, woman and the Lord. It's hard to put a time frame on how long to courtship and then be engaged because each situation is extremely different. I did however enjoyed the three things we talked about, "know-Quo", that we should focus on in our preparing for marriage journey. The first one was Talking, this meaning that both sides are able to discuss who they are and the experiences they have had. If only one person is doing the talking then the couple isn't truly benefiting from getting to know each other. Both need to be able to be engaged not only listening but in communicating their ideas, thoughts, and ways that describe who they are. The second was Time. When I think of hear of Time I think quality time. Do we set time aside when we have no distractions and can really focus on each other and their needs and desires for that particular time. I also think it's important to experience time where it's a limited amount of time and how we both well use it. In class we did talk about being able to see or be with the other person during the different seasons which helps us get a better idea of who they are and how they handle different situations. The last one was togetherness. I take that to even include togetherness with each of the families so that you can see how they treat or interact with their family members. The best part is when we related it to the gospel using the three P's. Preside, Provide and Protect. Meaning the man is in charge of asking and planning the dates, second he provides for the date or in other words he pays. The third is that he protects. When on a date the guy is responsible for you and should only put you in wholesome atmosphere so that each feel safe and secure. Dating is an important time and it needs to involve the Lord. Take opportunities to date a variety of people and never settle. When you see a red flag, don't run but see if its something that consistently happens but if it's something you can work on.

God's Plan

The week of May 14 we focused our discussions around gender and family life. I really liked the scripture  and quote that started and ending our week. Presidency Gordon B. Hinckley says this regarding gender and family, "In his grand design, when God first created man, he created duality of sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, 'Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord' - 1 corinthians 11:11. There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the almighty. Man and Woman are his creations. Their duality is his design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to his purposes. One is incomplete without the other." I really enjoyed this because it states God's plan and how both man and woman need each other and their characteristics to complete and have that foundation for a family.

Is there Structure in our Family?

On Thursday we had a group in front of the class to represent a family. There was a dad, mom, two children and the mothers sister involved. We got to see that sometimes there are situations where the father has to leave his family to work and in doing so the family structure changes. The mother may also have to work which can put more stress on the children as they have no one in the home to nurture as they may have once had. The children don't see their father or know what he is doing away from home because they don't get to see him. The youngest sibling often times will turn to their older sibling as their parent because they see him/her more often and usually this puts the oldest sibling in charge of the younger. This gives the older sibling more responsibility and experiences whether or not they want it. When the family reunites together they might struggle with the roles of the father and mother because it has been so long. Also the struggle might be different from the first time. I found this role play very interesting but saw a lot of truth. I have a strong testimony that if we can live in a way that we don't have to be away from any family member that we are better off. Children need both of their parents in the home having the father and mother playing their role as provider, protector, nurture and loving us as their children. I also believe that our parents need us as we all grow together from being around each other. Great week!

Systems Theory

From our reading and class discussion we cleaned about Systems Theory which looks at the family as a whole and then we broke it down into the Family Systems Theory. In the Family Systems Theory we learned or was brought to our attention that there are roles/rules for each family and then there are individual roles. Growing up I always noticed each sibling at a different role or back then I would have said characteristic that they brought to the family either negative or positive. I have one brother and he loved to bring us together as a family whether it was wrestling and making us laugh or just being the protective brother he was. He could sit and listen and then give you advice with any situation you were going there. In each family these roles are important because they are teaching moments whether learned right then or years later. We also discussed rules that were spoken and ones you just knew. Some spoken rules were no boys in the house unless mom or dad was home. If they came they had to wait outside in the front yard. There were to be no boys in our rooms at all. I did see how that rule did change as I, the youngest, grew up. Another spoken rule was out of respect my mom liked us to call our leaders by brother or sister followed by last name. Of course this was regarding church. She didn't care whether they said we could call them by there first name she still wanted us to always be respectful in that way. I have enjoyed being able to reflect back to my childhood and recall many experiences regarding both Systems Theory and Family Systems Theory. Another thing that stood out was when we did the role play of a family. When one member was being weighed down with challenges it had an effect on the rest of the family but because we are a system we could help one another and balance one another out. Great way to visualize a situation or put a theory into action.

The Dangers of Myths

This week in last we discussed the different myths that are common regarding Marriage. A couple of them are: We've lost the Extended Family, Opposite Attract, People Marry because They Love Each Other, Having Children Increases Marital Satisfaction, Happily Married People Don't Have Conflict and there are a few others. Often times in the world today we hear a saying as these or like them and we take them in as facts. But in reality these are not true. Myths can lead to destruction or move people away from one of the most important relationship we can have. Marriage is ordained of God and as both husband and spouse involve God in their relationship they will see much good.